The Thing About Anger

Proverbs 22:24-25, CEB – Don’t befriend people controlled by anger; don’t associate with hot-tempered people; otherwise, you will learn their ways and become trapped.

There is nothing inherently bad about getting angry.  Jesus got angry.  The Bible has many accounts of God getting angry.  So why do we have a proverb instructing us to avoid befriending angry people.  The simplest answer is that there is a big difference between a person who gets angry and an “angry person.”  An angry person is known for their tendency to spend most of their time angry about something.  Their lens on the world is that there is always something wrong and thus, there is always a reason to be mad or resentful.

The proverb suggests that living that way is a trap.  The insight here is how anger tends to breed more anger.  Indulging anger tends to attract anger from others around us.  Sometimes they may join in our anger.  In these cases, the angry feelings are confirmed by others and reinforced.  The anger is empowered and expands.  In other cases, our anger might provoke anger against us from others.  In these cases, the anger can become somewhat of a contest which tends to escalate.  In both cases, the anger becomes more and more out of control.  It also can become habitual.  Like a drug, the power felt when one is angry can be addictive.  This is the trap. 

The advice here is to minimize our engagement with angry people.  Again, it’s important to distinguish between people who are expressing anger and habitually angry people.  A person who is expressing anger may in fact have a legitimate reason and thus, we should be attentive to their feelings.  The habitually angry person, in contrast, is stuck. The more times we engage and/or encourage them, the more the response becomes habitual for us.  We become stuck too. 

In several places in Proverbs, we are advised to be mindful about the people with whom we spend most of our time.  The wisdom here is to strike a balance.  We balance the “angry people” in our lives with time intentionally spent with those who handle anger in healthy ways.  We live with the awareness that we are naturally influenced by others even as we influence others.  Paying attention to the flow of influence is important and it is wisdom.

Question:  Do you have “angry people” in your life? How do you balance their influence on you?

Prayer:  Lord, teach us how to handle anger in ourselves and in others in healthy ways. Amen.

Prayer Focus:  Pray for people dealing with domestic violence.

Song:  Don’t Bring Me Down – Electric Light Orchestra